Never Let Me Go

Dir. Mark Romanek
Starring. Keira Knightley, Carey Mulligan, Andrew Garfield

Sometimes it's good to catch a flick that isn't all popcorn and candy and happy endings. There's nothing wrong with delving a bit deeper. It's good for the soul. Never Let Me Go is definitely not the fluffy whipped creamy piece of cake kind of film. It's more like the meat and potatoes of cinema; a hearty main course that takes a bit of time to digest and afterward just makes you want to sit on the couch and watch bad reality TV for hours.

The film, directed by Mark Romanek, is based on the novel of the same name written by Kazuo Ishiguro and tells the story of three friends whose tragic destiny limits their lives to barely reaching adulthood. Cathy (Carey Mulligan), Tommy (Andrew Garfield), and Ruth (Keira Knightley) grow up together in a strangely idyllic boarding school where their health and well-being is given ultimate priority and they are told stories meant to frighten them from ever leaving the school grounds. They are eventually told that they are special children and their fate is to have their lives "complete" once they reach their early 20's. The story is mostly about the relationship between the three children and how a complex love triangle develops between them as they grow up.

It's a tragic but beautiful film that explores the basic needs of human beings, particularly when faced with the cruel fact of our own mortality. For the characters of the film, this fact is intensified as their time on earth is cut even shorter than the rest of us. And through them we find out what is most important to those whose time is running out.

Never Let Me Go is visually stunning as every shot seems to highlight the ephemeral beauty of nature and life. The sci-fi aspect of the story (of which I have tried not to divulge since it's cleverly only alluded to in the film's trailers) is only a backdrop to the believability of the three main characters and the complexities of their friendship. The unique bond between them is truly brought to life by Mulligan, Garfield,and Knightley who all give deeply moving performances. Their younger counterparts played by Izzy Meikle-Small, Charlie Rowe, and Ella Purnell respectively are perfectly cast and provide an impressive basis for the characters.

Despite all of the promising elements of the film, it somewhere along the line falls a bit flat. Perhaps it's because the tone is consistently ominous without really any relief. The film moves along at a steady pace without any distinct ups or downs making it feel like it only skims the surface of a story that should have many depths to explore. It's hard as well for an audience to sympathize with characters that simply accept their fate without really putting up a fight for what they want.

Never Let Me Go is overall a poetic and beautiful film that despite dynamic performances from all its lead actors doesn't quite carry the emotional depth that it ought to.

Blue Valentine

(Review may contain spoilers.)

Dir. Derek Dianfrance
Starring. Michelle Williams, Ryan Gosling

Indie dramatic character/relationship studies aren't necessarily my thing. Are they anyone's thing? We've all had experiences in relationships...must we study them? Why can't we just put them in a box, duct tape them tightly, and then store them in one of the back corners of the attic? No, I guess that's not in our nature. We have to think about them. We have to figure out what went wrong and why. We have to preserve them in formaldehyde and then pin them out on the table for dissecting. I will never understand us.

Maybe that's why I didn't get the point of Blue Valentine. Although it had some interesting moments, overall it was the same old story of boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy and girl end up hating each other. Ryan Gosling plays Dean who is a modern day version of the guy he played in The Notebook. While working as a professional mover at a nursing home, he spots Cindy (Michelle Williams) who is visiting her ailing grandmother. He stalks her and forces her to go out with him (it's not creepy 'cause it's Gosling should be the tag-line of this movie), and thus the two embark on a loving relationship which slowly turns into a gradual distancing and eventually crumbles into a loveless marriage. The film jumps around in time unfolding the important facts of the relationship little by little and not in the actual order that they would occur. It's simply amazing. It's like they took time, and re-arranged it. I'm told it's called "editing."

Blue Valentine is not much more than the CliffsNotes to a relationship. It covers just the important moments that don't actually give you a deep understanding of any of it, but is just enough for you to get 75% of the questions right on the test. What about all the other moments? I want to see a movie about the time she does his laundry with hers and he's left chewed gum in a pocket. Or let's see the two of them going to the grocery store to pick up parmesan cheese. That's a film I want to watch. Bill paying. It doesn't get more real than that.

Believe it or not I was actually somewhat emotionally invested in the film until a nagging little thought pushed its way to the surface of my psyche. "Her?" It said, "...what's so great about her?" Then I waited patiently for Williams' character to have a redeeming moment, but it never came. She's not altogether and outright horrible, though. She's one of those dangerously elusive secret bitches, hidden well beneath a visage that says "I'm the kind of girl that's got it all." But seriously, what did she ever do for him? She killed the dog. She. Killed. The. Dog. Perhaps I never forgave her for that. I don't know if it's just the way the character is written or if I just can't get over Michelle Williams' permanent expression of surliness. She constantly resembles a toddler who's just had their favorite toy taken away. The only reasonable explanation I see for this is that in between takes she was being forced to suck on a lemon whilst simultaneously staring directly into the sun. If someone asked you, "What does a 'harumpf' look like?" all you would have to do would be to show them a picture of her face. Even her attempt at smiling is slightly painful and grimacey. Ok, that's enough of that.

I'm sure there is a time and a place in which Blue Valentine would be an appropriate and meaningful film to watch, I just can't figure out when that time would be. It's no good for date night because afterwards your girl will undoubtedly be like, "Sorry, babe. It's Gosling or nothing tonight." If you're married it will just induce the painful realization in both of you that no matter how much you once loved each other, you're doomed. If you're happily single you'll become more self-satisfied with your singledom which is fine but you feel that way already, so what's the point? If you're unhappily single you'll find yourself thinking "Well, I'd rather have that, than nothing," which is most depressing of all. If you are part of an alien race studying the strange and complex relations of humans, you may find this useful. Otherwise, isn't there something slightly masochistic about this desire to study the downfall of a relationship? Unless...maybe it's somehow comforting. Maybe we need to know that other people have gone through the same old shit we have in order to move on. I just don't know. It's good to be an alien.

You got a banana. You don't need no snack pack.

Finally, after months of eager anticipation, I give you another blog post. Just think of me as that amazing lover you once had who rocked your world and then disappeared for a few months only to call you out of the blue at 4am on a Tuesday from Vegas telling you to come to the MGM Grand. You drive the 14 hours because you think "Oh, why not? This could be the one!" Only to find a hotel room full of passed out drag queens. Yep, that's me.

Anyway, easily one of the best classic movie moments is the motivational speech. When all hope is lost, when all faith in the main character and their cause is gone, all it takes is one rousing speech followed by a great swelling of emotional music to turn it all around, and bring a glistening tear into the eyes of even the most hardened of movie goers.

Some of these speeches are actually quite good ('Braveheart,' 'To Kill a Mockingbird', and other such crap), but they get all the credit. What about the awesomely bad ones? It's time we raise them up to the pedestal on which they belong. Don't actually put them on the pedestal because they haven't really earned that. Just hold them there and cringe.

Prepare to be inspired.

5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


The Speech: 2/3 of the way into the LOTR trilogy, things are looking pretty grim for our ring bearing hobbit and his cronies. Yet in the midst of a deadly battle: Orcs pouring in from every corner, an aerial attack by those dragons with great sense of smell, Frodo's trusty companion Samwise (Sean Astin) has just enough time to ponder the nature of good and evil.

Highlight: "That there's some good in this world Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fightin for!"

Verdict: I'm still tearing up, even through my laughter.

4. Avatar



The Speech: Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) must rouse the Na'vi tribe into fighting for their lands.

Highlight: This? This is our land! (Ayeyayayayaya!)

Verdict: Proves that CGI characters can't emote, even in IMAX 3D.

3. D2: Mighty Ducks



The Speech: The Mighty Ducks, now Team USA, are playing to win the Junior Goodwill Games. Coach Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) wants his team to remember who they are.

Highlight: "Because we are ducks, and ducks fly together!"

Verdict: Who's that old guy with the creepy accent?

2. The Goonies
The Speech: With their homes threatened by the development of a golf course, The Goonies have set off to find One-eyed Willy's treasure and save the day. With the Fratellis hot on their tail, the gang is ready to give up. Sean Astin as Mikey makes his second appearance on this list in order to convince his buddies not to ride up Troy's bucket.

Highlight: "Down here its our time, its our time down here!"

Verdict: Really? Three teenage boys can pull a bucket the entire way up a well before realizing it doesn't hold the weight of a human body?

1. Independence Day



The Speech: President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) tries to motivate his troops before a final attack on the invading aliens. Then he hops in his own jet and whoops some alien ass along side them. Awesome!

Highlight: "Today we celebrate our Independence day!"

Verdict: Presidential speeches could always use a bit more rhyming.

And that! That is my blog post today!

CLAP...............CLAP............CLAP........CLAP......CLAP....CLAP..CLAP.CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP

Name that 80's Reference

Luckily I was only around for 2 years in the 80's, sparing me from a lifetime of trying to destroy all photographic evidence of me with teased bangs, shoulder pads, and stirrup pants. Despite not being able to share with most of the world in the fond nostalgia for the decade, I do have a certain affinity for the late great 80's cinema.

Which is why this little video caught my eye.

It features the stars of Take Me Home Tonight (Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Kevin Smith?...Sorry - Dan Fogler, and Teresa Palmer) a film that's part of the 80's throwback genre that is oh so hip and cool right now. The film drops May 13th (March 4th if you're stateside) and although the thought of it doesn't bring me to a shuddering climax of nostalgic excitement like it may for people born say 15 years before me, I couldn't help but love the re-enactments in this music video. Or the deep sense of self satisfaction I had at having been able to name (pretty much) all of the references (without looking at the comments, don't look, don't look). It may be pathetic to revel in such an accomplishment, but really, what have you done today? Huh?

A Bit of Support for the Supporters

There are few things in this world I love more than character actors. (Seriously. It's a sad, sad existence). And we couldn't have character actors without the genre specific archetypal roles they play. You may be thinking I sounded really smart just then... and you're right, I did.

So, in honor of having just sat through the horrendous When In Rome (don't judge me), and the fact that Valentine's Day has just passed, I thought I would take a moment to discuss the Romantic Comedy character, "The Best Friend." In doing so I hope to shine a bit of light on some of the most unforgettable forgettable actresses who are known for playing the part. These are the women that for whatever reason seem destined to dwell in the gradual spill-off of the spotlight; talented ladies that make a career out of batting second. They are always there for you with helpful advice, even when you don't ask for it, and well...that's about all they are good for. Sometimes they get their own B plot love story, but it usually only manifests itself in a few flirty looks - there's just not really enough time for much more, and frankly we don't really care enough to see more. Take a look at any Rom Com and you'll find these ladies lurking in the background, dropping one liners, making awkward situations worse, tripping over things, crying comically, and generally just making the movie's star shine all the brighter. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

5. Kate Micucci: The Awkward Co-worker

It's hard to say why I can't imagine Miss Micucci in roles very different from the one she played in When in Rome. Maybe it's because she talks like a bored female version of Mos Def with two peanuts up his nose. Maybe it's because she looks like a frightened Stuart Little who's just dropped acid. We just don't know. Either way, she perfectly portrayed the typical awkward work friend, offering incredibly unfunny one liners and the kind of advice needed to bring the two main characters' romance to fruition. Let us not forget her memorable turn as "the Registrar" in an episode of How I Met Your Mother, the part of "Bubble" in the TV movie Husband for Hire, and a role in a TV show called Campus Ladies in which she played the pivotal role of "Less Attractive Girl."

4. Lisa Ann Walter: The Lovable Housekeeper

Oh man, remember her? Well, I don't care, because I do. She's probably best known to us girls of the 90's as Chessy from The Parent Trap. She played the hired help of one twin's family who fell immediately in love with the butler of the other twin's family. She said things like, "Don't look at me. I don't know a thing," a line that may be almost as overused in cinema as things like, "We've got company!" "Let's get outta here!" and "I don't know what you want from me!" (Which, to be sure, means they know exactly what is wanted from them.) Some of her other roles include a stint in the Ashton Kutcher/Katherine Heigl film Killers, and bits in Shall We Dance, and Bruce Almighty. She's also credited in a short film called Farm Sluts which intrigues me, but I'm going to assume she plays the housemaid that doesn't quite get in on the action.

3. Kathryn Hahn: The Lovesick

According to Imdb and Wikipedia she is best known for her role in Crossing Jordan, but that sounds lame, so lets talk about How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days! Let's. As Kate Hudson's buddy, Michelle, in HTLAGTD (see what I did there? It's much better, I promise,) Hahn embodies everything that is so awesomely bad about the character of "the friend." It is her desperate attempts at finding love, and massive failures that inspire Hudson's character to write an article on women's worst dating faux pas, thus creating the catalyst for the real love story. Her Michelle is so freaking typical, redundant, and annoying I can only imagine it must have been written by some alien creature whose only knowledge of the human race was compiled from watching reruns of Lifetime™ original movies. Hahn embodied this role so well, she reprized it again in The Holiday, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!, A Lot Like Love, and How Do You Know, most of which are films I've not actually seen, but I'd be willing to put money on the content of her character in them.

2. Heather Burns: The Sweetheart

Now we are in the big leagues, my friends. The lovely Burns has so embraced her own fate of type casting, almost her entire career consists of romantic comedies. Although her credits include such successes as You've Got Mail, Miss Congeniality, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous, and Two Weeks Notice, most of us wouldn't recognize her on the street and have probably already forgotten her first name. But where would these films be without her? I ask. Well, they probably would have done just fine, but there's something about that vacant hopeful smile of hers, and sweet whispery voice that makes me feel like it's a shame she's doomed to forever wander the realm of the best friend.

1. Judy Greer: The Funny Friend

The hilarious Judy Greer was fortunate enough to actually showcase some of her talent as Kitty on Arrested Development. Unfortunately when it came to the big screen, this wasn't enough to land her a significant leading role. I can only assume that this is because she doesn't really have the kind of face Cover Girl is climbing over itself to hire and plaster all over the front of Cosmo. It's a sad fact, but that's the movie industry. Nonetheless, I think she's hilarious and every shitty movie she's in is made just that much better by her presence. See references: The Wedding Planner, 13 Going on 30, 27 Dresses, Love Happens, and Love and Other Drugs.

The Worst of Natalie Portman

Trust me, this hurts me as much as it hurts you. I can't remember a time when I didn't idolize Dame Natalie the Duchess du Portman. But now that everyone else has officially jumped on the bandwagon, I thought I would take the time to remind us all that the girl is human.

Goya's Ghosts (2006)
Genre. Really Sad
Dir. A guy that did some other good stuff
Starring. Anton Chiguhr, The Portster, One of the Saarsgaards

It's been a long time since that fateful day when I brought Goya's Ghosts home from Blockbuster (yes, we were still going to BLOCKBUSTER. That long ago.) So I'm afraid I can't offer a very thorough critique. But I'll try. Now, this was a time before the gentle guidance of Netflix's ratings and recommendations system, when we were forced to spend hours wandering aimlessly through aisles of thousands of DVDs, with naught but the cover design and the quotes of critical acclaim that often graced them to guide us in our choice. Goya's Ghosts obviously caught my eye because of the talented cast and because it boasted the same director as Amadeus and The English Patient. Unfortunately this promising combination proved unworthy of my $2.99 rental fee plus the cost of gas to and from Blockbuster. A fellow critic who writes for imdb.com message boards and goes by the name of Epicureum called the film "just another anglo-saxon libel full of furibund anti-Spanish racism and historical lies about Spain."

Well I don't know about that, Epicureum, but I do know that the film sucked. What I now recall, and what I evidently attempted to block from my memory, is the part in the film in which Natalie looks like this (image NSFW):

Jesus. No wonder I hated it.

Natalie Raps (2006)
Genre. Digital Short
Dir. Who knows.
Starring. Natalie, Andy Samberg

Ahh let us analyze the masterpiece that is Natalie Raps. A short film is an elusive and delicate art; one that requires a profound focus in order to manifest its individualized reflexivity and stand alone as a fulfillful work. No short demonstrates this accumulation better than Natalie Raps. It's a bold and intrepid work that is inundated with post-modern realisticism in which Natalie fearlessly declares herself as the true artiste and auteur that she truly is. Truthfully.

Star Wars Episodes I-III
Genre. CGI
Dir. Come on, you know this.
Starring. CGI

At least it's the good Star Warses.


No Strings Attached (2011)
Genre. comedy
Dir. Ivan Reitman
Starring. Ashton Kutcher, Cary Elwes

I know I shouldn't be condemning films based on their trailers alone, but if we didn't all spend our time passing judgment on things before actually knowing them, we'd be bored to tears. I do have to say despite the constant onslaught of shit that is this trailer, I might have laughed out loud a little when Nats goes, "You look like a pumpkin, bitch." I shall assume that that is the only mildly amusing moment in the whole film.

Here's What's Coming

2010 may have started out a bit slow (as far as I'm concerned, theaters didn't even open until mid June), but ended up producing a handful of exciting films. What do we have to look forward to this year? I speculate.

5. Bridesmaids
Genre. Comedy
Dir. Paul Feig
Starring. Kristen Wiig, Jon Hamm, Rose Byrne
Release. May 13th(US), June 24th (UK)

We all know that the wedding comedy genre has produced some of the greatest films of all time. The Wedding Planner, My Best Friends Wedding, Runaway Bride, and who could forget that instant classic Bride Wars just to name a few. OK so the genre doesn't have the best reputation; I didn't say I was expecting Citizen Kane here.

To set this film back even further, the plot sounds exactly like that annoying episode of Friends where Rachel and Phoebe fight for the position of Monica's maid of honor. Erg.

But putting all of that animosity aside, I still have hope. Kristen Wiig finally gets a leading lady role, and I'm curious to see if she can shine in the spotlight and not slip into her usual supportive character based role. Her name on the writing credits along with the Freaks and Geeks team up of Apatow (producing) and Feig (directing) makes this a promising prospect. Finally a chick flick worth seeing? Or just another fixture for Sunday afternoons on the Oxygen Network? I'm looking forward to finding out.

4. Rango
Genre. Animation
Dir. Gore Verbinski
Starring. Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Bill Nighy
Release. March 4th (US and UK)

I honestly hadn't given Rango a second thought until I saw the trailer. It was one of those rare times when I got that stirring in my gut which slowly blossomed into excitement and finally manifested as a thought: "Could it be? Something...good?" Johnny Depp's name used to be enough to induce this feeling, but lets face it, he's not carrying the same stigma as of late. It's unfortunate, but happens to the best of us.

Anyway, I think this could be more than a sort of Western version of the Ice Age franchise. The character design is truly striking and like nothing I've seen before (it's ILM's first animated feature). I was even more intrigued when I saw a featurette showing how closely the animation was based on actual performances by the actors and without the use of motion capture. Nickelodeon hasn't put out a good film since Good Burger (or before it). Do I smell...redemption?

3. The Way Back
Genre. Drama
Dir. Peter Weir
Starring. Jim Sturgess, Colin Farrell, Ed Harris
Release. Jan 21st (US), Dec 26th 2010 (UK)

Russia, prison break, epic landscapes, Colin Farrell, and lots and lots of walking. This could be a giant miss. There are few things worse in this world than a film that tries too hard to be epic, but somehow fails on all fronts (remember the travesty that was Troy? Oh, and Tron, now that I think of it). But this film has something they didn't: Mr. Weir. I believe in you Peter.

2. The Tree of Life
Genre. Drama
Dir. Terrence Malick
Starring. Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Jessica Chastain
Release. May 27th (US), Unannounced (UK)

After watching the trailer a few times, reading several synopses, and consulting with a magic eight ball, I still have no idea what this film is about. Maybe it's something about how a man reflects on his opposing relationships with his mother and father in order to better define himself. Or maybe it's about an astronaut that falls into the ocean, has a baby, plants a tree, has his house flooded, goes rock climbing, goes to church, goes to the beach with a bunch of people in suits, and then visits Niagara Falls. We just don't know. But whatever it is, I'm up for it.



1. Hanna
Genre. Thriller
Dir. Joe Wright
Starring. Saoirse Ronan, Cate Blanchett, Eric Bana
Release. April 8th (US & UK)

Ok, who did the titles for this trailer? Seriously who did them? How dare you ruin this for me.