Secretariat

Dir. Randall Wallace
Starring. Diane Lane, John Malkovich, Lafeyette from True Blood

Let's face it: the people at Disney are masters of emotion control. When they want you to cry, you cry. When they want you to laugh, you better hope to God you're laughing. Just try and oppose them. I dare you.

In their latest film Secretariat, Disney really pulled out all the stops. The tale begins with a tragedy; our heroine, Penny (Diane Lane), suffers a family loss (cry, cry, cry), but sets herself to saving the family horse breeding business because of it (yay!). She puts her faith in a young underdog horse, Secretariat (played by a horse), that no one believes in (I do! I do!), and an eccentric French-Canadian trainer (John Malkovich) who's there mostly for comic relief (what a silly hat! hardy har har). The stakes get higher and higher as Penny risks everything on the success of the horse (sweaty palms, some indigestion), and in the end...well I don't want to spoil it (cheer! cheer!). It's a true story. Try Wikipedia.

Diane Lane plays a woman playing the woman Sandra Bullock played in The Blind Side. I really give her credit for attempting such an emotional role with so little available forehead movement. Age, woman, like the rest of us. It builds character.

John Malkovich sticks out like a sore thumb and not just because of his ridiculous wardrobe, which I assume is the result of a lazy costume designer googling "silly outfit" and going with it. No, Malkovich's apparent misplacement is more likely due to the fact that...well this is a Disney movie, and he's John Malkovich. His naturalistic and slightly unpredictable brand of performance doesn't work in such a contrived and predictable film. It really seems as though he's never memorized a line in his life and he does everything on his own time. This would be great if it weren't for his fellow actors who appear much on edge around him as if he may at any moment grow a tail and start racing around the track himself.

If you can get past the sappy moments (and there are many), at the heart of this story is a truly amazing horse. I wasn't around for Secretariat's vie for the Triple Crown but I'm going to assume it is one of the most exciting stories in horse racing history and this alone guarantees an entertaining film. The race scenes are particularly fun to watch, shot as they are. We feel like we are right in there with the horses. As far as films about underdog race horses coming from behind and winning it all go, it is definitely the best one ever (out of two).

As much as I can complain about the high "Disney factor" of this film, let it be known that I'm not immune to the classic sappy moments. I'm a mere human like everyone else. Therefore, I too found myself alternating between suppressing the urge to cry and the urge to cheer aloud while high five-ing the person next to me. It's an entertaining film, ok? I'm not ashamed...I'm a bit ashamed. But it is a great story of a great horse and that's enough for me (fist pump!).

Britfilms.tv is where it's at.