qualified but not certified

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Blue Valentine

(Review may contain spoilers.)

Dir. Derek Dianfrance
Starring. Michelle Williams, Ryan Gosling

Indie dramatic character/relationship studies aren't necessarily my thing. Are they anyone's thing? We've all had experiences in relationships...must we study them? Why can't we just put them in a box, duct tape them tightly, and then store them in one of the back corners of the attic? No, I guess that's not in our nature. We have to think about them. We have to figure out what went wrong and why. We have to preserve them in formaldehyde and then pin them out on the table for dissecting. I will never understand us.

Maybe that's why I didn't get the point of Blue Valentine. Although it had some interesting moments, overall it was the same old story of boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy and girl end up hating each other. Ryan Gosling plays Dean who is a modern day version of the guy he played in The Notebook. While working as a professional mover at a nursing home, he spots Cindy (Michelle Williams) who is visiting her ailing grandmother. He stalks her and forces her to go out with him (it's not creepy 'cause it's Gosling should be the tag-line of this movie), and thus the two embark on a loving relationship which slowly turns into a gradual distancing and eventually crumbles into a loveless marriage. The film jumps around in time unfolding the important facts of the relationship little by little and not in the actual order that they would occur. It's simply amazing. It's like they took time, and re-arranged it. I'm told it's called "editing."

Blue Valentine is not much more than the CliffsNotes to a relationship. It covers just the important moments that don't actually give you a deep understanding of any of it, but is just enough for you to get 75% of the questions right on the test. What about all the other moments? I want to see a movie about the time she does his laundry with hers and he's left chewed gum in a pocket. Or let's see the two of them going to the grocery store to pick up parmesan cheese. That's a film I want to watch. Bill paying. It doesn't get more real than that.

Believe it or not I was actually somewhat emotionally invested in the film until a nagging little thought pushed its way to the surface of my psyche. "Her?" It said, "...what's so great about her?" Then I waited patiently for Williams' character to have a redeeming moment, but it never came. She's not altogether and outright horrible, though. She's one of those dangerously elusive secret bitches, hidden well beneath a visage that says "I'm the kind of girl that's got it all." But seriously, what did she ever do for him? She killed the dog. She. Killed. The. Dog. Perhaps I never forgave her for that. I don't know if it's just the way the character is written or if I just can't get over Michelle Williams' permanent expression of surliness. She constantly resembles a toddler who's just had their favorite toy taken away. The only reasonable explanation I see for this is that in between takes she was being forced to suck on a lemon whilst simultaneously staring directly into the sun. If someone asked you, "What does a 'harumpf' look like?" all you would have to do would be to show them a picture of her face. Even her attempt at smiling is slightly painful and grimacey. Ok, that's enough of that.

I'm sure there is a time and a place in which Blue Valentine would be an appropriate and meaningful film to watch, I just can't figure out when that time would be. It's no good for date night because afterwards your girl will undoubtedly be like, "Sorry, babe. It's Gosling or nothing tonight." If you're married it will just induce the painful realization in both of you that no matter how much you once loved each other, you're doomed. If you're happily single you'll become more self-satisfied with your singledom which is fine but you feel that way already, so what's the point? If you're unhappily single you'll find yourself thinking "Well, I'd rather have that, than nothing," which is most depressing of all. If you are part of an alien race studying the strange and complex relations of humans, you may find this useful. Otherwise, isn't there something slightly masochistic about this desire to study the downfall of a relationship? Unless...maybe it's somehow comforting. Maybe we need to know that other people have gone through the same old shit we have in order to move on. I just don't know. It's good to be an alien.

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