You got a banana. You don't need no snack pack.

Finally, after months of eager anticipation, I give you another blog post. Just think of me as that amazing lover you once had who rocked your world and then disappeared for a few months only to call you out of the blue at 4am on a Tuesday from Vegas telling you to come to the MGM Grand. You drive the 14 hours because you think "Oh, why not? This could be the one!" Only to find a hotel room full of passed out drag queens. Yep, that's me.

Anyway, easily one of the best classic movie moments is the motivational speech. When all hope is lost, when all faith in the main character and their cause is gone, all it takes is one rousing speech followed by a great swelling of emotional music to turn it all around, and bring a glistening tear into the eyes of even the most hardened of movie goers.

Some of these speeches are actually quite good ('Braveheart,' 'To Kill a Mockingbird', and other such crap), but they get all the credit. What about the awesomely bad ones? It's time we raise them up to the pedestal on which they belong. Don't actually put them on the pedestal because they haven't really earned that. Just hold them there and cringe.

Prepare to be inspired.

5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


The Speech: 2/3 of the way into the LOTR trilogy, things are looking pretty grim for our ring bearing hobbit and his cronies. Yet in the midst of a deadly battle: Orcs pouring in from every corner, an aerial attack by those dragons with great sense of smell, Frodo's trusty companion Samwise (Sean Astin) has just enough time to ponder the nature of good and evil.

Highlight: "That there's some good in this world Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fightin for!"

Verdict: I'm still tearing up, even through my laughter.

4. Avatar



The Speech: Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) must rouse the Na'vi tribe into fighting for their lands.

Highlight: This? This is our land! (Ayeyayayayaya!)

Verdict: Proves that CGI characters can't emote, even in IMAX 3D.

3. D2: Mighty Ducks



The Speech: The Mighty Ducks, now Team USA, are playing to win the Junior Goodwill Games. Coach Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) wants his team to remember who they are.

Highlight: "Because we are ducks, and ducks fly together!"

Verdict: Who's that old guy with the creepy accent?

2. The Goonies
The Speech: With their homes threatened by the development of a golf course, The Goonies have set off to find One-eyed Willy's treasure and save the day. With the Fratellis hot on their tail, the gang is ready to give up. Sean Astin as Mikey makes his second appearance on this list in order to convince his buddies not to ride up Troy's bucket.

Highlight: "Down here its our time, its our time down here!"

Verdict: Really? Three teenage boys can pull a bucket the entire way up a well before realizing it doesn't hold the weight of a human body?

1. Independence Day



The Speech: President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) tries to motivate his troops before a final attack on the invading aliens. Then he hops in his own jet and whoops some alien ass along side them. Awesome!

Highlight: "Today we celebrate our Independence day!"

Verdict: Presidential speeches could always use a bit more rhyming.

And that! That is my blog post today!

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