Rango

Dir. Gore Verbinski
Starring. Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abagail Breslin

In general the Animated Talking Animal Genre makes me want to punch squirrels. Remember Madagascar 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6? The Ant Bully? All of the Ice Ages? Alpha and Omega?Chicken Little? Chicken Run? Over the Hedge? Open Season? Shark Tale? Bolt? Ok, ok I'll stop there. You get my point. For every Finding Nemo, there are at least ten Doogals.

So you can imagine the magnitude of my disdain when I first became aware of Rango, an animated tale of a bunch of walking, talking, gunslinging, bank robbing desert animals living in a Wild West style town. Has Johnny Depp sunk so low? I scoffed. Yet miraculously, and this doesn't happen often (it does), I ended up having to eat my words. Impressively, Rango manages to set itself apart from its CGi abusing counterparts. It does so with an entertaining and solid script, clever jokes, classic western references, and stunning animation.

Rango (Johnny Depp) is the name our leading lizard gives to himself when he is thrown from his comfortable but lonely life as a pet chameleon and thrust into the small desert town of Dirt. It's a classic fish out of water tale, and the high minded dreamer that is Rango suddenly finds himself playing the role of the town's much needed hero. The citizens of Dirt are in danger as their most important commodity, water, is mysteriously running out, and they soon put all their faith in the little lizard to restore their supply and save the town.

Depp along with a supporting cast that includes Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, Bill Nighy, and Ray Winstone, manage to completely bring to life this tale of a lovable bunch of mangy desert critters. Their performances, which were acted out in full by the cast, are beautifully captured in the mannerisms of the characters, adding a layer of humanity to the animated animals. The environment is photo-realistic at times and its many different textures are beautifully realized. Bravo to effects company Industrial Light and Magic, who have never done a full length feature film before, for making CGI awe-inspiring again.

Parents, you should beware that some of the jokes in the film may be a little too adult for your youngsters. They're sure to have questions for you ("Mommy, what's fecal matter?"), some of which you may not be keen to answer. But at least you'll be entertained, and if you're worried it might all sail over your tot's tiny head, fear not. There's enough fart jokes thrown in to see your kid through all that talk of existential crises.

Although Rango doesn't quite have the heart of say Finding Nemo, its themes are universal and it's exceptionally clever for a self proclaimed children's film. Finally, someone besides Pixar has figured out how to make a smart and entertaining animated film for audiences of all ages.

The Rite

Dir. Mikael Hafstrom
Starring. Anthony Hopkins, Colin O'Donoghue, Alice Braga

The Rite, according to its official description, is a horror film. It is meant to induce a feeling of unease, of discomfort, of fear. However, in adhering to pretty much every possible convention of modern horror, the Rite succeeds only in being obvious and predictable, at times even comical.

The story begins, of course, with our troubled hero, Michael Kovak, played by Colin O'Donoghue, whose performance is an awkward combination of Bert from Sesame Street and Bruce Campbell's forehead. This might have worked if it weren't in a film that took itself so seriously. He's a young man, trying to discover his path in life, and despite having no real affinity for Christian beliefs, he decides to go to seminary. The next thing we know, it's like a few years later and he's decided he doesn't want to become a priest after all. Now he's in Italy! Where he has been sent to take a class on exorcism, because why wouldn't you? (This is all based on a true story, mind you, so don't question it.) He makes his religious doubts known in class, so as an attempt to make him into a believer, his professor/priest sends him to visit Father Lucas (Anthony Hopkins), local exorcist guru. Here, Michael's doubts are tested and ultimately proved wrong as it is revealed (far too late in the story) that Father Lucas himself is possessed with a demon spirit.

All that is good about Anthony Hopkins' performance is canceled out by the poorly cast O'Donaghue, who is slightly too good looking to play a priest and not really good looking enough to play a leading man. If there's a Freddie Prinze Junior biopic in the works somewhere, I'd recommend giving this guy a call. Otherwise, let's try and keep him off our screens.

There's also a completely under-developed love story somewhere in the plot, which combined with the bleak aesthetic, and the incessantly ominous score, satisfies all of the basic components of a PG-13 horror flick. The only thing the filmmakers seem to have forgotten is the horror. The whole movie is foreboding which, by the end, feels completely unwarranted. It's like climbing a very tedious and creaky staircase, only to find at the top, there's an elevator waiting to take you quickly and comfortably back down.

By the end, I found myself actually rooting for the devil. If evil had triumphed, at least all of that foreboding would have been justified. Instead, the film chooses to solidify its lack of frights by way of a poorly executed religious message, which will undoubtedly fall flat on most of today's audiences. For all intents and purposes, fans of the exorcism genre may find this film amusing, if they take care not to expect anything new.

Biutiful

Dir. Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Starring. Javier Bardem

Sometimes life is just too good. Sometimes you walk down the street thinking, "Gee, the world is really a great place and I'm happy to be a part of it." If you find yourself afflicted with such unfortunate thoughts, I urge you to take a nice big dose of Biutiful, a film guaranteed to remind you that the world is a horribly, disgracefully, absurdly, inexplicably mean, angry, heaping pile of shit. Fortunately however, the film is not. (A pile of shit, that is). In fact, despite it's depressing nature, it's utterly captivating; a deeply moving portrait of the often ignored darkness and desperation of life. It's a film that should be seen (even if you can only manage just the once), because it universally and realistically addresses themes of death and spirituality and love and survival and redemption; all of those big ideas that are constantly looming over us wishing we gave them the attention they deserve.

These themes are portrayed through the story of Uxbal (Javier Bardem), a (mostly) single father with a strong connection to the spiritual world. As his own health begins to fail, he goes through what any person would when faced with the harsh reality of their own mortality. He struggles to find peace within himself and with those around him as his time slowly runs out. But this is no "Bucket List" or "Last Holiday" (which, in case you've forgotten, is that movie where Queen Latifah gets diagnosed with a terminal illness and goes on one last holiday with LL Cool J. I know, I too wish I hadn't brought it up). His world is a harsh one, living on the margins of society in Barcelona, surviving on various illegal dealings, and desperate to support his two children despite his conflicted relationship with their bipolar mother. Is it possible to make things right in such a complicated world and does it even matter once we are gone? It's a difficult question and one that Uxbal must face before it is too late.

I can't deny the hold that this film had over me, and as difficult as it was at times to watch, I felt that somewhere in the story there was an undercurrent of hope. Perhaps this was in the father's unwavering dedication and love for his children, a part played with such depth and force by Javier Bardem, you'll find it hard to believe he has ever acted as anything else. There were several supernatural moments in the film that I found to be a bit superfluous as everything else was so grounded in a gritty, seedy realism. Other than that, the dramatic elements of the story and the conflicts of each character entwine effortlessly at the guiding hands of writer/director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, who proves that he can still tackle major themes without the use of an ensemble of characters and stories. The simplicity and the focus of one man's journey is really what sets Biutiful apart from Inarritu's other works and makes it a truly engrossing film to watch.

Never Let Me Go

Dir. Mark Romanek
Starring. Keira Knightley, Carey Mulligan, Andrew Garfield

Sometimes it's good to catch a flick that isn't all popcorn and candy and happy endings. There's nothing wrong with delving a bit deeper. It's good for the soul. Never Let Me Go is definitely not the fluffy whipped creamy piece of cake kind of film. It's more like the meat and potatoes of cinema; a hearty main course that takes a bit of time to digest and afterward just makes you want to sit on the couch and watch bad reality TV for hours.

The film, directed by Mark Romanek, is based on the novel of the same name written by Kazuo Ishiguro and tells the story of three friends whose tragic destiny limits their lives to barely reaching adulthood. Cathy (Carey Mulligan), Tommy (Andrew Garfield), and Ruth (Keira Knightley) grow up together in a strangely idyllic boarding school where their health and well-being is given ultimate priority and they are told stories meant to frighten them from ever leaving the school grounds. They are eventually told that they are special children and their fate is to have their lives "complete" once they reach their early 20's. The story is mostly about the relationship between the three children and how a complex love triangle develops between them as they grow up.

It's a tragic but beautiful film that explores the basic needs of human beings, particularly when faced with the cruel fact of our own mortality. For the characters of the film, this fact is intensified as their time on earth is cut even shorter than the rest of us. And through them we find out what is most important to those whose time is running out.

Never Let Me Go is visually stunning as every shot seems to highlight the ephemeral beauty of nature and life. The sci-fi aspect of the story (of which I have tried not to divulge since it's cleverly only alluded to in the film's trailers) is only a backdrop to the believability of the three main characters and the complexities of their friendship. The unique bond between them is truly brought to life by Mulligan, Garfield,and Knightley who all give deeply moving performances. Their younger counterparts played by Izzy Meikle-Small, Charlie Rowe, and Ella Purnell respectively are perfectly cast and provide an impressive basis for the characters.

Despite all of the promising elements of the film, it somewhere along the line falls a bit flat. Perhaps it's because the tone is consistently ominous without really any relief. The film moves along at a steady pace without any distinct ups or downs making it feel like it only skims the surface of a story that should have many depths to explore. It's hard as well for an audience to sympathize with characters that simply accept their fate without really putting up a fight for what they want.

Never Let Me Go is overall a poetic and beautiful film that despite dynamic performances from all its lead actors doesn't quite carry the emotional depth that it ought to.

Blue Valentine

(Review may contain spoilers.)

Dir. Derek Dianfrance
Starring. Michelle Williams, Ryan Gosling

Indie dramatic character/relationship studies aren't necessarily my thing. Are they anyone's thing? We've all had experiences in relationships...must we study them? Why can't we just put them in a box, duct tape them tightly, and then store them in one of the back corners of the attic? No, I guess that's not in our nature. We have to think about them. We have to figure out what went wrong and why. We have to preserve them in formaldehyde and then pin them out on the table for dissecting. I will never understand us.

Maybe that's why I didn't get the point of Blue Valentine. Although it had some interesting moments, overall it was the same old story of boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy and girl end up hating each other. Ryan Gosling plays Dean who is a modern day version of the guy he played in The Notebook. While working as a professional mover at a nursing home, he spots Cindy (Michelle Williams) who is visiting her ailing grandmother. He stalks her and forces her to go out with him (it's not creepy 'cause it's Gosling should be the tag-line of this movie), and thus the two embark on a loving relationship which slowly turns into a gradual distancing and eventually crumbles into a loveless marriage. The film jumps around in time unfolding the important facts of the relationship little by little and not in the actual order that they would occur. It's simply amazing. It's like they took time, and re-arranged it. I'm told it's called "editing."

Blue Valentine is not much more than the CliffsNotes to a relationship. It covers just the important moments that don't actually give you a deep understanding of any of it, but is just enough for you to get 75% of the questions right on the test. What about all the other moments? I want to see a movie about the time she does his laundry with hers and he's left chewed gum in a pocket. Or let's see the two of them going to the grocery store to pick up parmesan cheese. That's a film I want to watch. Bill paying. It doesn't get more real than that.

Believe it or not I was actually somewhat emotionally invested in the film until a nagging little thought pushed its way to the surface of my psyche. "Her?" It said, "...what's so great about her?" Then I waited patiently for Williams' character to have a redeeming moment, but it never came. She's not altogether and outright horrible, though. She's one of those dangerously elusive secret bitches, hidden well beneath a visage that says "I'm the kind of girl that's got it all." But seriously, what did she ever do for him? She killed the dog. She. Killed. The. Dog. Perhaps I never forgave her for that. I don't know if it's just the way the character is written or if I just can't get over Michelle Williams' permanent expression of surliness. She constantly resembles a toddler who's just had their favorite toy taken away. The only reasonable explanation I see for this is that in between takes she was being forced to suck on a lemon whilst simultaneously staring directly into the sun. If someone asked you, "What does a 'harumpf' look like?" all you would have to do would be to show them a picture of her face. Even her attempt at smiling is slightly painful and grimacey. Ok, that's enough of that.

I'm sure there is a time and a place in which Blue Valentine would be an appropriate and meaningful film to watch, I just can't figure out when that time would be. It's no good for date night because afterwards your girl will undoubtedly be like, "Sorry, babe. It's Gosling or nothing tonight." If you're married it will just induce the painful realization in both of you that no matter how much you once loved each other, you're doomed. If you're happily single you'll become more self-satisfied with your singledom which is fine but you feel that way already, so what's the point? If you're unhappily single you'll find yourself thinking "Well, I'd rather have that, than nothing," which is most depressing of all. If you are part of an alien race studying the strange and complex relations of humans, you may find this useful. Otherwise, isn't there something slightly masochistic about this desire to study the downfall of a relationship? Unless...maybe it's somehow comforting. Maybe we need to know that other people have gone through the same old shit we have in order to move on. I just don't know. It's good to be an alien.

You got a banana. You don't need no snack pack.

Finally, after months of eager anticipation, I give you another blog post. Just think of me as that amazing lover you once had who rocked your world and then disappeared for a few months only to call you out of the blue at 4am on a Tuesday from Vegas telling you to come to the MGM Grand. You drive the 14 hours because you think "Oh, why not? This could be the one!" Only to find a hotel room full of passed out drag queens. Yep, that's me.

Anyway, easily one of the best classic movie moments is the motivational speech. When all hope is lost, when all faith in the main character and their cause is gone, all it takes is one rousing speech followed by a great swelling of emotional music to turn it all around, and bring a glistening tear into the eyes of even the most hardened of movie goers.

Some of these speeches are actually quite good ('Braveheart,' 'To Kill a Mockingbird', and other such crap), but they get all the credit. What about the awesomely bad ones? It's time we raise them up to the pedestal on which they belong. Don't actually put them on the pedestal because they haven't really earned that. Just hold them there and cringe.

Prepare to be inspired.

5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


The Speech: 2/3 of the way into the LOTR trilogy, things are looking pretty grim for our ring bearing hobbit and his cronies. Yet in the midst of a deadly battle: Orcs pouring in from every corner, an aerial attack by those dragons with great sense of smell, Frodo's trusty companion Samwise (Sean Astin) has just enough time to ponder the nature of good and evil.

Highlight: "That there's some good in this world Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fightin for!"

Verdict: I'm still tearing up, even through my laughter.

4. Avatar



The Speech: Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) must rouse the Na'vi tribe into fighting for their lands.

Highlight: This? This is our land! (Ayeyayayayaya!)

Verdict: Proves that CGI characters can't emote, even in IMAX 3D.

3. D2: Mighty Ducks



The Speech: The Mighty Ducks, now Team USA, are playing to win the Junior Goodwill Games. Coach Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) wants his team to remember who they are.

Highlight: "Because we are ducks, and ducks fly together!"

Verdict: Who's that old guy with the creepy accent?

2. The Goonies
The Speech: With their homes threatened by the development of a golf course, The Goonies have set off to find One-eyed Willy's treasure and save the day. With the Fratellis hot on their tail, the gang is ready to give up. Sean Astin as Mikey makes his second appearance on this list in order to convince his buddies not to ride up Troy's bucket.

Highlight: "Down here its our time, its our time down here!"

Verdict: Really? Three teenage boys can pull a bucket the entire way up a well before realizing it doesn't hold the weight of a human body?

1. Independence Day



The Speech: President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) tries to motivate his troops before a final attack on the invading aliens. Then he hops in his own jet and whoops some alien ass along side them. Awesome!

Highlight: "Today we celebrate our Independence day!"

Verdict: Presidential speeches could always use a bit more rhyming.

And that! That is my blog post today!

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Name that 80's Reference

Luckily I was only around for 2 years in the 80's, sparing me from a lifetime of trying to destroy all photographic evidence of me with teased bangs, shoulder pads, and stirrup pants. Despite not being able to share with most of the world in the fond nostalgia for the decade, I do have a certain affinity for the late great 80's cinema.

Which is why this little video caught my eye.

It features the stars of Take Me Home Tonight (Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Kevin Smith?...Sorry - Dan Fogler, and Teresa Palmer) a film that's part of the 80's throwback genre that is oh so hip and cool right now. The film drops May 13th (March 4th if you're stateside) and although the thought of it doesn't bring me to a shuddering climax of nostalgic excitement like it may for people born say 15 years before me, I couldn't help but love the re-enactments in this music video. Or the deep sense of self satisfaction I had at having been able to name (pretty much) all of the references (without looking at the comments, don't look, don't look). It may be pathetic to revel in such an accomplishment, but really, what have you done today? Huh?